One of the cats, my guess is Newton, peed in Lennon’s bed at some point yesterday and I didn’t have the energy to clean it right away. So, when it was time for bed, I brought Lennon to our room, turned off the lights and laid down. He was out within maybe 5 minutes. Not completely out of the normal, but very welcome. I needed a break.
Since I got home Lennon had been go, go, go.
I looked at this perfect angel as he lay there sleeping beside me. The light from the TV – reruns of Law & Order: SVU – lit him up so beautifully.
And I wept.
Not completely un-normal for me, I cry all the time these days.
I talked to Lennon as he slept.
“You have to do this. You have got to figure this out. You need to thrive.”
My constant worries of what happens when I’m gone seem to consume me these days.
When you don’t have someone lined up to care for your little and he can’t make decisions for himself – what happens? He winds up in a system that is supposed to have his best interest in mind, but we all know that ‘system’ is a scary place, a place where the horror stories I see in Law & Order: SVU come from.
Right now I know two things need to happen:
- I need to figure out a plan for when that time comes.
- Lennon has to do this.